It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

"Your Quick Thinking Turned A Potential Chernobyl Into A Mere Three Mile Island."

I learned from Shannon that today is the 20th anniversary of the Chernobyl disaster. One of the people who left a comment for her said:

"I'll tell you what makes me proud to be an american is that we weren't arrogantly stupid as the communists in our nuclear power plant operations. Those russions were incredibly foolish and un-scientific in their practices that lead up to the chernobyl disaster. Not to mention the horrible containment/clean up effort after-the-fact."

Those words got me thinking..."arrogantly stupid", "un-scientific in their practices", "horrible containment/clean up effort after-the-fact"...those phrases remind me of someone...can't quite put my finger on it....

Well, I can't sit here forever trying to think, I've got to go put food on my family.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

"Ok, You Can't Leave First Until You Chug A Beer, Any Man Scoring Has To Chug A Beer, And The Fourth Inning Is The Beer Inning."

Courtesy of Think Progress...

"Political polarization seeps into the last bastion of “bipartisan civility” - the Congressional Softball League. Conservative teams have accused the league commissioner “of running a socialist year-end playoff system that gives below-average teams an unfair chance to win the championship,” and have started their own league. Teams include the “traditional Republican powerhouse Fat, Drunk & Awesome from the House Homeland Security Committee” and Moderately Sober from Rep. Sherwood Boehlert’s (R-NY) office."

Geez, are you guys always on?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

"Hey, I'm Doing The Best I Can With The Material I Have."

I, for one, would like to bid a heartfelt 'fare thee well' to the second hardest working man in show business, Scotty McClellan. I know if I had his job, I would be ready for retirement...

No Mas, No Mas!

Monday, April 17, 2006

"Ah, What A Beautiful Day...The Sun Is Out, The Birds Are Singing, The Bees Are Trying To Have Sex With Them...As Is My Understanding."

Man, is anyone else having trouble focusing on blogging this Spring? Normally, Spring is my least-favorite of seasons, what with all its muckiness bare limbed trees. Plus, I have nothing but contempt for any season so brash as to suppose it can take an hour of sleep away from me. But it has been so de-damn-lightful here in Upper-Middle Flyoverland, even I can't maintain this long held grudge.

I'm a bit alarmed at this chipping away at my hard earned bitterness. So, in an effort to get the bile flowing again faster than the sun can burn it off, I'll just list a few sex-ed facts being taught to our children in this, the season where a young man's (and, presumably, utterly immoral woman's) fancy turns to love.

Among the many facsinating tidbits included in such stalwarts of scare tactics as Me, My World, My Future, Choosing the Best and WAIT Training (Wait training...get it? Who says the fuddy-duddies don't have a sense of humor?):

* HIV can be spread via sweat and tears. Heck, any senator with half a brain could tell you that!

* A 43-day-old fetus is a thinking person.

*Condoms fail to prevent HIV transmission as often as 31 percent of the time in heterosexual intercourse, not the 2-3% that so-called "science" would have you believe.

*One text even struggled with basic science, such as how many chromosomes each parent contributes to a little bundle of joy. (Hint: It's 23, but if you answered "24", eh, close enough...go ahead and write a sex-ed text if you want to.)

Peace Oot, blog-heads!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

"I Can't Be Held Responsible For What My Goons Are Ordered To Do!"

Dear Mr. Bush,

The jig is up. That'll teach you to trust a man named "Scooter" to do your dirty work.

We've all had a good laugh over your Constitution-in-the-shredder routine, but please....have some dignity. Please have your desk cleaned out by the end of the week. Oh, and you can keep the flight suit.


Sideshow Bob

Thursday, April 06, 2006

"You Get All The Fun Of Sitting Still, Being Quiet, Writing Down Numbers, Paying Attention...Yes, Science Has It All."

Some consider the world of science boring. I call these people "dinguses". I had to deal with them throughout my primary and secondary school career, I had to put up with their nonsense at all my wage-slave, monkey-labor jobs, and now I am forced to endure them making poorly thought out policy decisions for my country.

I, on the other hand, love science, and admire those who dedicate their life to it. Whether they are biologists, astronomers or simply an individual with an advanced degree in hypersupercalifragalistics, the fact is that scientists are cool, they have awesome-looking labcoats, and they get to say sublimely transcendent stuff like:

Ring Around Uranus Is Blue, Scientists Find


Goddamn Findings Fail To Support Researcher's Hypothesis

God bless those science-type guys and gals!

Monday, April 03, 2006

"Oooo..Sugar In The Gas Tank. Your Ex-Husband Strikes Again!"

Last night I went to bed around 11 o'clock or so, only to wake at 2:15. I trudged downstairs to the WC, then trudged back up, fully aware that no way no how was I going to fall asleep again. I layed there for a bout half an hour before I gave up and went downstairs to do a little homework and watch a little TV, finally returning to my slumber at aroung 4:45.

At 5:00, JD's alarm goes off. I don't know why he sets it that early, seeing as he doesn't leave for school until about ten to 7. And left to his own devices, an alarm going off at full, ear-splitting volume won't wake him until it has been going off for at least half an hour, so I hd to get up to give him a shake to wake him up. Eventually, I stumble back to bed and fall asleep at about 5:10, where I blissfully sleep until my alarm goes off at 7:15.

I get downstairs at about 7:20, and right away I see Sy is running late. I finish getting dresed and got her coat, purse and coffee mug ready for her, and we dash out the door at 7:29, one minute before she's supposed to be at work. We rush to the car, get buckled in, and turn the key and.....nothing. WTF? The engine didn't turn over, the starter wasn't even clicking. But the radio and lights worked.

So Sy, already running late, had to walk to work. I made sure the wires were connected and dry, and checked the fuses, but they were all fine. So, that pretty much covered my limited knowledge set of the workings of the internal combustion engine. Eventually I had to get it towed down to the local garage. Hopefully, it'll be ready to go tomorrow afternoon. Good thing Sy's and my jobs are in walking distance and my school schedule is flexible.

Was it sugar in the gas tank? I don't know...I don't know.

But yeah, I think so.