"Ah, What A Beautiful Day...The Sun Is Out, The Birds Are Singing, The Bees Are Trying To Have Sex With Them...As Is My Understanding."
Man, is anyone else having trouble focusing on blogging this Spring? Normally, Spring is my least-favorite of seasons, what with all its muckiness bare limbed trees. Plus, I have nothing but contempt for any season so brash as to suppose it can take an hour of sleep away from me. But it has been so de-damn-lightful here in Upper-Middle Flyoverland, even I can't maintain this long held grudge.
I'm a bit alarmed at this chipping away at my hard earned bitterness. So, in an effort to get the bile flowing again faster than the sun can burn it off, I'll just list a few sex-ed facts being taught to our children in this, the season where a young man's (and, presumably, utterly immoral woman's) fancy turns to love.
Among the many facsinating tidbits included in such stalwarts of scare tactics as Me, My World, My Future, Choosing the Best and WAIT Training (Wait training...get it? Who says the fuddy-duddies don't have a sense of humor?):
* HIV can be spread via sweat and tears. Heck, any senator with half a brain could tell you that!
* A 43-day-old fetus is a thinking person.
*Condoms fail to prevent HIV transmission as often as 31 percent of the time in heterosexual intercourse, not the 2-3% that so-called "science" would have you believe.
*One text even struggled with basic science, such as how many chromosomes each parent contributes to a little bundle of joy. (Hint: It's 23, but if you answered "24", eh, close enough...go ahead and write a sex-ed text if you want to.)
Peace Oot, blog-heads!
I'm a bit alarmed at this chipping away at my hard earned bitterness. So, in an effort to get the bile flowing again faster than the sun can burn it off, I'll just list a few sex-ed facts being taught to our children in this, the season where a young man's (and, presumably, utterly immoral woman's) fancy turns to love.
Among the many facsinating tidbits included in such stalwarts of scare tactics as Me, My World, My Future, Choosing the Best and WAIT Training (Wait training...get it? Who says the fuddy-duddies don't have a sense of humor?):
* HIV can be spread via sweat and tears. Heck, any senator with half a brain could tell you that!
* A 43-day-old fetus is a thinking person.
*Condoms fail to prevent HIV transmission as often as 31 percent of the time in heterosexual intercourse, not the 2-3% that so-called "science" would have you believe.
*One text even struggled with basic science, such as how many chromosomes each parent contributes to a little bundle of joy. (Hint: It's 23, but if you answered "24", eh, close enough...go ahead and write a sex-ed text if you want to.)
Peace Oot, blog-heads!
posted by Isaac Carmichael at
8:13 AM
9 Comments:
what about that hairy palms thing? is that true?
By
cookie christine, at Mon Apr 17, 02:48:00 PM 2006
Cookie Christine- No, that's not true....but it will fall off if you don't leave it alone.
drmax- ummm, I'm guessing missionary...
By
Isaac Carmichael, at Mon Apr 17, 04:20:00 PM 2006
but it will fall off if you don't leave it alone.
So that's where it went. Damn.
By
Otto Man, at Mon Apr 17, 09:34:00 PM 2006
Can I get pregnant from reading your blog? I'm worried now.
By
Anonymous, at Tue Apr 18, 05:49:00 AM 2006
otto man-check the lost and found.
ag-yes, you are now carrying my child. Leopold if it's a boy, Leopoldina if a girl?
By
Isaac Carmichael, at Tue Apr 18, 08:13:00 AM 2006
SSB- I think those names are fitting! I bet this is the first blog baby conception ever!
By
Anonymous, at Tue Apr 18, 07:08:00 PM 2006
Well, does this mean I can abort this unthinking thing up until the 43rd day? I'm so confused.
By
Shannon, at Wed Apr 19, 06:47:00 PM 2006
elizabeth- yep, it really says that. It also says that abstinence will prevent depression. Not may prevent depression, but will prevent depression.
shannon- if you even think about abortion, you are going to hell...unless you are born-again. Then you can lie, cheat, steal, stick firecrackers up frogs butts, break the law with utter contempt and start a war just for shits and giggles. And drive drunk, too. And God can't do nothin' about it!
By
Isaac Carmichael, at Thu Apr 20, 08:16:00 AM 2006
http://eekshop.com
The are expected by law has therefore been recently advised for more information about stop feeding this fda for more information regarding their pets immediately,about whether or not they had already purchased it Although celebrities and others pets have a multi function good resistance to understand more about diseases relating to salmonella, pets that be able to get affected on such basis as going to be the an infection tend to display dearth having to do with appetite, lethargy,throwing up vomiting, bloody diarrhea and abdominal pains. Healthy pets which have been recently infected may also serve as carriers these all infect people and some other animals. It is this and for that reason an absolute must have and then for dog owners for more information on avoid contact to have one of these dog fda as if that's the case as wash their hands all the way through with your next you that they should can be bought into contact so that you have these fda stuffs. If your dog or cat attempt not to Iams dog food and drug administration and displays symptoms listed above,your family are going to want immediately contact your veterinarian also assistance.
By
Anonymous, at Sun Jun 02, 09:14:00 AM 2013
Post a Comment
<< Home