It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Sunday, May 13, 2007

"Yeah, Well You'd Be Grumpy Too If You Were Taken Out Of Your Natural Habitat And Gawked At By A Bunch Of Slack-Jawed Yokels."

Wal-Mart....Larry the Cable Guy...the mere mention of these words will lower your IQ several points. As a former blue-collar worker, I am insulted at the suggestion that this chain store that reeks of squalor and broken dreams is supposed to always be looking out for me; or that this tired shtick is supposed to speak to my experience and worldview. And I swear to god I hope that when Larry arrives in Hell, he gets a kick squa' in the nuts for each and every "git 'er dun!" ever uttered by his slope-browed minions.

I normally would avoid any mention of L to the CG, but last Friday I was repeatedly assaulted by his visage; first on TV for his brain-dead, lame-ass movie (which I'm hoping I won't hear of after it gets dropped from any theatre stupid enough to engage it for the opening weekend), and again when I drove past the WalMart on the way home.

Imagine my shock when I saw three SUVs in a row pulling into the parking lot, all with "Git 'r Dun!" bumper sticker and/or window decals on them. Yes, sadly, the and/or in the previous sentence was necessary, as one SUV had both motifs of quintessential redneckery proudly on display. Just once I'd like to see this pulling into a WalMart parking lot:

Or maybe this:

Of course, I'd rather avoid the place all together...

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  • Hear hear! Is that "Thanks, you asshole" bumper sticker real? My only concern would be that someone wouldn't see the "you asshole" part.

    I'm feeling feisty nowadays....

    By Blogger Shannon, at Sun May 13, 11:48:00 PM 2007  

  • "reeks of squalor and broken dreams"

    I've been trying to nail down that odor for years, and by god, you've done it. The broken dreams part smells the worse, BTW.

    By Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan, at Mon May 14, 07:15:00 AM 2007  

  • Am I a snob because I refuse to shop at Wal-mart? It's not just the squalor and broken dreams, it's the fact that it seems to draw out the very lowest common denominator of society. I'm also boycotting b/c my friend *once* shopped at Wal-mart (for laundry detergent) and had her beautiful black Mercedes dinged in a hit-and-run in the parking lot. Nothing spells low-classy like Wal-mart!

    By Blogger Mrs. Loquacious, at Mon May 14, 08:12:00 PM 2007  

  • *sigh*

    Sometimes I'll go to the big box mart because I procrastinated all day and all night to pick up some household items. So I'll venture to Walmart at like 1AM in the morning.

    I once saw Buddhist monks from a temple playing at the PS2 kiosk at our Walmart. Sometimes you do see some bizarro things.

    By Blogger Evil Spock, at Tue May 15, 01:19:00 PM 2007  

  • I can't remember the last time I was in a Walmart - it's been heaven!

    By Blogger Sylvana, at Wed May 16, 07:53:00 AM 2007  

  • shannon - Yup, it's the real deal. Enjoy your feistiness!

    shamus - I hear that.

    mrs. loquacious - It seems like whenever I'm in a Walmart, which is very infrequently, I never see anyone smiling.

    evil spock - Well, that's what makes you evil, I guess. And those Buddhists....evil!

    sy - Let's not go this weekend!

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Wed May 16, 07:47:00 PM 2007  

  • Sy- I was in Walmart five times total. 3x in NC, and 2x in Maine. I'm a Tar-jey kind of gal.

    SSB- Oh da "reeks of squalor and broken dreams" smells nice the way you put it.

    By Anonymous ag, at Fri May 18, 11:20:00 AM 2007  

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