It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Saturday, March 31, 2007


"Well there ain't no nothin' we can't love each other through..."

Many people remember the show Family Ties as the weakest link in what was, in retrospect, actually a fairly lame Thursday night schedule. Remember the Thursday night juggernaut that sent chills of the spines of TV execs working for CBS and ABC? (Oh, my mistake...TV execs don't actually have spines.)

The Cosby Show sucked like I suck down Pudding Pops (i.e. mightily). Night Court might have been good if it weren't for that ambiguously gay judge and the frequent "Velvet Fog" afflictions. Cheers is really the only show from that night that even comes close to holding up over the years.

And then there was that show about the dirty hippie parents with the "ditto-head" demon-spawn and the borderline-retarded older sister...I bet those hippies regret all those acid trips now! They also had a sickeningly cute baby, and no other kids.

It's funny how all these shows I haven't seen in so long can still be so fresh and clear in my mind; almost more like instinct than memory. When the subject of Family Ties comes up (and let's face it: what day doesn't it come up), three things immediately flood into my mind:

-Alex P. Keaton managing his lame sister's lame girl group, making them sing "Mr. Sandman" all over Ohio.

-Sit Ubu, sit! Good dog.

-And now, the image of that cute little whippersnapper sitting on Elyse's lap beating womens.

What would we do baby? Without love?


Tuesday, March 27, 2007

"Look At Those Non-Skybox Losers Down There, Watching Hockey Without Sushi...If You Can Call That Hockey."

Wow...I never really understood this quote before, but now here I am, eating sushi in my living room, with the hockey game on.

I'm livin' the dream, people!!!

Thanks to Sy for making the yummy sushi! Paul Newman would approve.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

"Ladies And Gentlemen, The Clown Show Has Been Put On Hiatus For Retooling."

I know what you're all thinking...where's SSB been?

Is on strike, holding out for more of that sweet, sweet Blogger moola?

Did he tie up Dear Abby in his basement, and now he's writing her column?

Nah...nothing that exciting. It's just that like fellow blog-head Shannon, I gots nothin'!

Nothin' 'cept this kick-ass video, that is.

Space exploration, NIN, computer animation, sweet production...what's not to like?

Sunday, March 11, 2007

"Ahh...The First Time I've Ever Been Early For Work. Except For All Those Daylight Savings Days...Lousy Farmers!"

Let's see...what's going on in the world these days...hmmmm....

Nothing here.

Nothing here.

I know...let's devote several minutes of our newscast to all of the idiots among us who are bewildered by Daylight Savings Time (click on the video link under the big clock. If you like watching people bitch about absolutely nothing, it'll be worth the two minutes).

I mean, not only do we have to deal with the profound, utter confusion that normally accompanies the Great Spring Forward, but now...holy shit! It's several weeks early!!! And they've only been talking about it on the news for several weeks! How on God's green earth can mere mortals be expected to keep up with this madness?!?

OK, as a public service, let me walk through this with you:

On Sunday, when you wake up, set the clocks ahead one damn hour...THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT!!!

Seriously, is it really that hard for people to wrap their heads around?

p.s. I realize this post is a little late, but the whole deal with the time change today kind of threw me off. I mean, WTF...can't we pick a time and go with it?!?

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Over The Years, A Newsman Learns A Number Of Things That He Just Cannot Report...It Doesn't Seem To Matter Now, So: The Following People Are Gay."

Didja hear? Ann Colter said John Edwards was a "faggot"! Isn't she just so outrageous!

Normally, I would not waste time acknowledging her existence, but I have to say that I'm a little disappointed (actually, a lot pissed) that her hate speech is going pretty much unreported in the so-called Liberal Media (which, as far as I can tell, is any news source that isn't owned by Rupert Murdock).

The Boston Globe doesn't mention it.

USA Today doesn't mention it.

No mention on the CBS News website.

The NY Times mentions her name (in the 14th paragraph), but makes no mention of her homophobic slur.

It's not that I think that her spiteful incivility is in anyway newsworthy...I think that the applause she got after making the remark is.

Miss Ann Colter

Friday, March 02, 2007

"Woo Hoo! Four Day Weekend!"

Ah, Snow Day...are there two words more sweet in the English language (with the possible exception of de-fault)? I've never heard of school days being canceled due to a "Hot Day"...and even if that did happen, I'm sure kids didn't run outside, eyes wide with wonderment, to frolic in the heat. And did you know that the Eskimoes have over 100 words for "snow day"? It's (probably) true!

I'm off to go eat some snow. It's chock-full of vitamins and minerals, especially the yellow kind...although, I must admit, it is an acquired taste. Hope wherever you are, the weather is making you experience child-like giddiness.