It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Monday, January 29, 2007

"Hey, It's Saturday...Your Powers Are Useless Against Me!"

Last Friday, the SSB family went for a beautiful, albeit short (1km), candlelit walk through the local State Park. The sky was clear, and there was a bright 3/4 moon high in the sky. Due to the snow on the ground, any noise in the environment was dampened down to near non-existence.

There was a short break in the frigid temperatures; it was around 32 degrees, and no wind (as in no wind chill!). The path through the woods was set on either side with candles, about 15 or 20 feet apart. Oh, we had a wonderful least until the fast walkers caught up with us near the end of the trail. "Why go on a beautiful candlelit walk and walk as fast as you can?" Sy was heard to remark.

After the leisurely stroll through the peaceful wood, we stopped at the nature center for hot apple cider and cookies. People came and went out of the small building, sharing pleasantries and smiles. We sat down, letting the apple-tones fade from our cheeks.

After a couple of minutes, the door opened, and in walked a young girl, probably about 13 or so. Almost immediately, a woman seated a few chairs down from us took notice. Her face lit up and she enthusiastically called out the girl's name, telling her "hi" and asking how she liked the walk. Turns out the woman was the girl's teacher.

The girl looked at the woman, surprised at first, then wary, and then became entirely uninterested. She stood there, froze, nodding in a barely perceptible way and uttering one word answers only when completely necessary. Soon, the conversation, if it could be called conversation, drifted into nothingness, at which point the girl stood there awkwardly for a few more moments, then turned on her heel and exited the building, forgoing any cookies and/or cider she might have been entitled to.

I felt so bad for that teacher...she seemed so nice.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Hey Guys...I'm Lookin' For Amanda Hugginkiss...Oh, Why Can't I Find Amanda Hugginkiss?!?"

I thought that I'd do something totally original in this post...go somewhere where no one had gone, and I didn't care whose toes I would step on.

Then I found it too hard and decided to write about cell phones and the people who love them.


So the other day, I saw two young metrosexuals walking down the street, each talking on a cell phone. Am I the only one who assumes that if you see two people walking with each other, each with a phone to their ear, that they obviously must be talking to each other? Not that I'd blame them; when Sy and I first got our phones, we'd call each other from different rooms in the house. Hey, if we don't use those free minutes, we lose 'em! And yes, we are freaks.

Speaking of cell phones and freaks, we saw the strangest thing this weekend. Sy and I and JD went bowling (we've got to keep in top physical condition now that we're in a league), and there was a woman talking on her cell phone while she was bowling. No, not while sitting and waiting for her turn; actually during the approach and roll...weird!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

"Dude, Videotaping This Crime Spree Is The Best Idea We've Ever Had!"

As a nerd, I have long longed for anti-bully reform in our nation's statutes and school charters. My son, also a nerd (we come from a long line), has encountered the occassional bully, but thankfully only of the teasing type and not the kicking-your-ass type.

I was able to figure out by the tender age of nine that if the schools would just expel bullies, bullying would soon cease to be a problem; at least a problem of the magnitude that it now is. Most incidents of school violence, including Columbine and other school shootings, where students are described as "snapping" or "freaking out" for seemingly no reson can be traced back to bullying.

Now, even Homer Simpson can tell you that bullies can be a clever bunch, but thankfully their cleverness mostly revolves around inventive ways to torture people. And thankfully, we live in an age that treasures media exposure and publicity above all else. And that's how we get this story. Make sure to click on the video link...although girl fights just aren't as exciting with the faces all blurred:(

It's unfortunate to see that the girls were merely suspended rather than expelled, and that the victim chose not to press charges, but I do love the irony of the nerdly invention of the internet being the undoing of these bullies. Louis, Gilbert, and all the rest of the Tri-Lams must be extra proud today.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

"Yeah, I Like To Make Up Words Too."

Let my proclamation go out across the land: I am the master of asperbayerprepareperfection!*

I can, without fail, always, ALWAYS (except maybe once or twice) extract the exact number of pills desired from a bottle of medicine, be it asprin, allergy pills, children's chewable codine, or even CIA-distributed suicide pills. Although I really wonder why anyone would need a whole bottle of suicide pills. Oh well...that's the government for you.

Do you have any mad secret skills?

Or favorite made-up words?

*remember sniglets?

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

"Thank Goodness I Still Live In A World Of Telephones, Car Batteries, Handguns, And Many Things Made Of Zinc."

You can add diarrhea relief to that list. And you might remember that a few years ago zinc was in the news becuase of its cold-fighting abilities. Zinc is so versatile that it's classified as a transitional metal. Transition players are valuable atheletes, and I assume the same standards hold true in the world of chemicals. Good old Zn...atomic number there anything it can't do?

Those of you in the know who recognize the above quote should get an extra kick out of this MST3K short:

Mystery Science Theater 3000 short: Spring Fever (MST3K)