It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Saturday, July 30, 2005

"Why Do You Hate America? Is It The Freedom?"


My neighbor, who, despite the fact that he has W stickers plastered on all of his vehicles, is a really nice guy, replaced his old, worn, tattered, faded flag about a month ago. I was sorry to see it go, as I really like the look of an old flag...it seems so evocative of the inspiring early days of our country. I noticed the new flag one bright, sunny morning, and was about to just go about with my daily business, when something made me do a double-take. The new flag seemed to have some kind of junk or debris on it. For one or two seconds I was puzzling over what the hell it was, then a timely breeze unfurled the new, improved Old Glory. WTF?!?, I thought. I was appalled. You're not supposed to write on the flag!!!

How insane have things gotten when we have to resort to desecrating the flag in order to prove how patriotic we are? What's next, corporate sponsorships emblazened across the Stars and Stripes? "Your right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, brought to you by Chili's and Home Depot; you can enjoy your freedom, we can help."

If I throw up in disgust at the idea that now a citizen's love for his/her country can no longer be assumed, but must be proven by ever more gaudy expressions, and then use a tattered old flag to clean up the patriotic bile I have discharged, does that earn me the title "Most Patriotic Insignificant Citizen In Fly-Over Land"? ...Or should I trade it all for what's behind Door Number 3? Nah...it would probably be that damn goat again. I don't want to go throught all the trouble of dressing up like a giant taco, only to make the wrong decision and look like an idiot...ok, I've got to turn off the reruns of Let's Make A Deal and focus.

Now I've lost my momentum, so let me just sum up by saying if you want to be patriotic, join the services and go desecrate some other nation's flags. Don't tread on me!

p.s. I'll look into the popups...eventually. Until then, just try to realise that popups are the internet's way of saying it loves you.

11 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home