It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Thursday, June 16, 2005

"I Keep Telling You People, The Earth Revolves Around The Sun!"

Sorry to be so solemn, but I'd like everyone to observe a moment of silence...

...Thank you. That was just a moment to respect the passing of Principal Seymore Skinner, who was burned at the stake for going against the teachings of the Church. And it was also a moment of silence for probably the greatest contribution to humanity by Western Civilization: the Scientific Method. So genius in its' simplicity, profound in its' influence, and so sensible...and so dead. It's funny in a cartoon, but not so much when we have to live with it in real life.

Well, maybe it's not dead yet, but that seems to be the way the institution of science is going these days. It's hard to believe that we're actually having an evolution/creationism/intelligent design debate outside of Alabama. I actually know someone who otherwise seems reasonably intelligent who believes in intelligent design. (He gets a pass, though, because he claims the intelligence designing us is alien rather than holy.) It is, I admit, a wonderful theory once you get past the fact that it is supported by no facts. It's like, oooh, opposable thumbs, I never would have thought of that. What a great idea, God! Way to be!

Oh...I hope that wasn't too mean. I want to make it clear that I don't mean to ridicule anyone who doesn't believe absolutely in evolution. If you aren't sure about evolution, that's fine. It may be proven wrong later on (though I doubt it), and science is perfectly capable of dealing with that. I just don't understand why you would throw your support behind a so-called "theory" based in pure speculation. I might disagree with some of the reasoning behind the theory of gravity (although I don't), but why should I then jump to the conclusion that little invisible angels are pulling me down to the earth?

I understand that many Christians would say that they believe what's in the Bible, as it came directly from the mouth (or what we think was a mouth...I'd hate to think what other kind of orafice those words might have bellowed out of...but I digress) of God. But even if the original Bible was directly from the Holy Horse's mouth, just imagine all the translations it's gone though, all the translators with political agendas (not that we would do something like that these days...), all the errors and omissions, all the talk about avoiding women during their "time of uncleanliness". Why would a loving God refer to menstruation in such a manner?

Maybe I could see this support for creationism as valid if the Church had ever been right about anything ever in the field of science. Maybe I could see it if we lived on a 6000 year old flat earth that was the center of the universe, or maybe if the Church didn't kill so many people who were, in retrospect, absolutely, unequivocally, totally right. Maybe. Later, witches!

p.s. This post was originally supposed to be about Terri Schiavo, but Scott covered that on his blog, and I've run out of steam.


  • It's about time you posted. :)

    I honestly don't know what to think of the whole evolution thing. My only question is this: If humans evolved from some sort of simian-like creature, why aren't monkeys and apes today evolving into human-like creatures? I would expect to still see men halfway along the evolutionary chain dragging their knuckles around if this theory were true. Of course, it's hard for me to see anything because my face is always in someone else's mouth. Wait, that didn't come out right...

    By Blogger Maria, at Thu Jun 16, 11:20:00 PM 2005  

  • Some people believe in the "Big Bang" and in the HGTTG they believe in the "Big Kleenex" theory (or something like that). Me I believe in the "Giant Alarm Clock" theory. And it goes like this. One day God had to get up for work and he had to set his alarm clock. When He woke up the next day, he was agrivated that he had to get up and wanted to impose this burden on everyone else. So he put a huge alarm clock on Earth, and when it went off, all of his "inventions" awoke and went to work inventing wheels and coffee. Millions of years later, all of God's "inventions" still get up by alarm clock, say the Lord's name in vain for having to get up, and they all go to work, in boxes on wheels and rush to get their coffee.

    There are a few kinks, but thats the jist of it....

    By Blogger Randi, at Fri Jun 17, 12:26:00 PM 2005  

  • if we're going to teach religion in science class, does that mean I can wander into a random sunday school class and start talking about my research?

    "See, kids, sometimes God damages your DNA, and your cells need to repair..what Johnny? why does God damage your DNA? Because you touch yourself at night. That's why."

    By Blogger evilsciencechick, at Fri Jun 17, 12:32:00 PM 2005  

  • ESC - That was too funny.
    Maria - the half-humans went the same way as the dodo. Or the American Indian. In 100 years, do you think we'll have any evidence of native Americans left except for their artifacts and traces of their DNA floating around mixed in wih European and African DNA?
    We didn't evolve from monkeys and apes - monkeys and apes and humans have a common ancestor. That is, we all went in different directions. Some prehumans survived better in the trees and some survived better by standing on 2 legs. So the ones in trees evolved into chimps and never needed to gain intelligence to survive. The ones on 2 feet didn't live long unless they had the smarts to run away from lions and predators and the like.
    SSB - I did want to comment on the "unclean" issue. Is it possible that the purpose of no sex during menstruation (and until 8 days after it ends) is to enhance the potential of procreation? If you're required to abstain for 2 weeks straight, you're pretty much guaranteed to go nuts (no pun intended) on that 8th day after the "uncleanliness", which happens to coincide nicely with ovulation. So, not necessarily a God thing, but a practical rule for people that needed lots and lots of kids to survive.

    By Blogger Scott, at Fri Jun 17, 01:47:00 PM 2005  

  • Maria- they found their niche. There was no reason for them to evolve- but even if there was a reason, they would still have needed the opportunity- such as a mutation of some kind. We don't see all the levels of evolution in all animals because older models are generally phased out for the new improved models. This, of course is a very simplistic explanation. Evolution is beautiful in it's efficiency, but is far more complex than the popular notions of it.

    SSB- I think most people who don't believe in evolution just don't understand evolution.

    By Blogger Sylvana, at Fri Jun 17, 01:55:00 PM 2005  

  • Hey Scott! No Fair! I was typing that! You just beat me to the Publish. Yours explains it with more detail than I had energy for though, so I guess you deserved to win.

    By Blogger Sylvana, at Fri Jun 17, 01:58:00 PM 2005  

  • evilsciencechick: you have me lmao!!! thank you for that.

    My uncles knuckles drag on the ground maria, all is not lost yet.

    By Blogger Greenthumb, at Fri Jun 17, 02:29:00 PM 2005  

  • Maria-you obviously haven't seen the people I work with.

    randi-I read all five books in the trilogy last summer, and I learned that God definitely does not exist, as proved by the Babel fish.

    ESC- you so funny!

    Scott- God, being all knowing and all, should have put a population cap stipulation in the once we hit 1,000,000,000 people, we can ignore that part of the scripture.

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Fri Jun 17, 03:51:00 PM 2005  

  • yea i read the ulimate guide and then saw the movie on opening night...i love the guide and i havent left the house without a towel since...haha

    By Blogger Randi, at Fri Jun 17, 04:47:00 PM 2005  

  • By Blogger huda noor, at Sat Jul 07, 05:23:00 AM 2018  

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