"Rod! Todd! Get Daddy's Emergency Baptism Kit!"

What's the difference between a baptism and a christening? I'm a Teamster, and therefore too lazy to even use google....

Is it really a good idea to dunk babies in water? You know what would make lots of money? Baby dunk tanks at the fair! Boy, I'd sure like to dunk that Quizno's baby...Bob, or whatever his name is. He's the biggest asshole baby since the unibrow baby that Maggie hates. (Maggie doesn't like other babies.)

Maybe babies are drawn to water, like lemmings. That must be why they keep falling down wells. I've heard the best dowsing rods are made of baby bones.
Barbaric, perhaps, but you can't argue with results.