It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Saturday, June 11, 2005

"In 1796, a group of settlers head west from Maryland after misinterpreting a passage in the Bible."

Did God deposit "Texas Tea" under the earth where modern-day Israel would one day be situated, so that the Israelites could become a big player on the international oil market, securing it's finacial and political future, paving the way for the coming of the Apocolypse?

Duh! Do you even have to ask?!? Read the following Bible passage from Genesis 49:25, where God blesses Joseph:
"Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above [and] blessings of the deep that lieth under." It's all so obvious, once you have it spelled out for you like that.

This passage was enough to convince John Brown, of Texas. "I believe that God deposited the vision of oil for Israel in my heart," he says. Guess what...ahh, you'll never guess, never in a million years, so I'll just have to come out and tell you; John Brown is a born-again, evangelical Christian. Shocking...truly shocking.

Mr. Brown declares that this exercise is "grounded in theology but supported by science". I assume this is the brand of science supported by the Bush administration; the kind that likes to think outside of the old "scientific theory" box; without all those damnable facts. He never really does explain the science that supports his endeavor, other than to say he drew a detailed map revealing the location of oil reserves from his research of the Scriptures. And if he doesn't find oil where the Scriptures so clearly stated that it was, John Brown has plans to drill other holes. I find your lack of faith disturbing, Mr. Brown. If the Bible says it's there, then, gosh darn it, it is!

Obviously, if any oil is found, this will confirm the existance of God. I mean, what could be more miraculous than the discovery of oil deposits in the Middle East?


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