It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Monday, July 31, 2006

"I"ve Learned That Life Is One Crushing Defeat After Another Until You Just Wish Flanders Was Dead."

How to enroll for a class online, in 15 easy steps:

Step 1: Turn on computer.

Step 2: Pick up and wave computer through the air in desperate attempt to capture the elusive wireless signal.

Step 3: Unplug and replug in wireless router...there, that did the trick. Now you're logged on to the Information Superhighway, sport!

Step 4: Select class to enroll in, double-checking to make sure that all prerequisites are met.

Step 5: Surpress anger when computer tells you that you haven't filled the prerequisite, when you remember quite vividly all the time spent filling that prerequisite the previous semester.

Step 6: Call campus to ask for help enrolling in desired class.

Step 7: Hang up and call back on land line because your cell phone is acting up.
Step 7.5: Realize with dread that you're going to have to send phone in for service.

Step 8: Place call on land line. Ask a rhetorical "what the fuck!?!" when your phone tells you that you've made a forbidden call and tells you to call customer service.

Step 9: Rummage through phone bills to confirm that yes, in fact, you did pay the last bill and your account ought to be in good standing.

Step 10: Call customer service. Wait time is approximately 20 minutes. Throw pen across room.

Step 11: Talk to dumb lady in customer service who tells you that you should be able to place calls. Well, duh...that's why I called you. The only good part of this call is when, after saying that your account was inexplicably turned off, she says, "Well, let me see if I can get you turned on."

Step 12: Rummage through drawer and find old cell phone.

Step 13: Swap smart card into old phone

Step 14: Call campus to ask for help enrolling in desired class. The person you needed to speak with just left for the day. Leave message for her, taking great care to not pepper message with the "f word".

Step 15: Step outside to take revenge on world. Return to living room when you realize it's too damn hot outside for vengence. Wonder out loud if 10:45 am is too early to start drinking.

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