It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Monday, May 30, 2005

"Oh, So That's Your Little Plan...Get Us Addicted Then Jack Up The Price!"

Memorial Day...today (or yesterday, as it mat be) was my day to get done all the things I've putting off for the last few days: Laundry, paying bills, balancing the checkbook, pruning some trees, taking off the storm windows and putting on the screens, etc. And so of course here I am, blogging.

I've been meaning to get to today's topic for a while but...well, I guess it's just one other thing that got put off for a while. But this is it; now I'm ready and eager to get going....Damn you, Subway!

For those who might be puzzled at my general distain for Doctor's Associates, Inc. (and I'll get to that name later on), here's the shinny (or skinny....or shibby):

Subway is no longer handing out the stickers that you put on the card to work towards the sometimes all-consuming goal of getting a free sandwich. I realize this may be sort of old news for some of you...I was informed by my local Sandwich Artist that my area was one of the last in the country to end the program. WHY?!? There's no reason. It's almost like the economy is not recovering...but I've been assured by a source so credible as the United States Government that that is most assuredly not the case. But I veer wildly...

I received notice of this policy change on the very same visit that I found out they discontinued my favorite bread, the scrumptious Parmesan Oregano...it was the most bitter Chicken Bacon Ranch sub I've ever choked down. Damn you, Subway!

And I've always had a little problem with the name of the company. The eateries are called Subway, but the company's official name is Doctor's Associates, Inc.. Makes it sound like the Medical Establishment fully endorses this business...but they don't; it's just the name of the company. Sort of misleading, but no more so than our foreign policy, I suppose.

This guy is a franchise owner who receives threatening letters from Doctor's Associate, Inc. Why they gotta be like that? Does Jared know what kind of company he's shilling for?

Don't let the terms " healthy", "good for you", "Sandwich Artisan" or "fresh" fool you, these bastards are just as heartless as the guys that run BK or McDonald's who keep adding on the calories and carbs and fries and cholesterol...all they're after is your very soul!!! They all clamor for it's extinction and your descent into the mind-numbing oblivion that is life as a Consumer!!! Are you so lazy?!? Make your own sam-damn-wich at home!!!!! Yeesh!

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