"College?!? Ha! Barber or Clown?"
True to your style, with one hour to go until you got your degree placed in your hot little hand, you were soaking wet and covered in mud out in the yard. But the garden looked great, and so did you (after a little fixing up), and so did I (by association).
Even though I couldn't actually see you walk across the stage and get your degree, I was nonetheless so proud of you. You were draped with enough cords to hang the Iowa septuplets and the black gown to suit the occassion. I don't know how you were able to get it all done...going to school, being a mom, running three successful blogs...and I don't know why they didn't let you give one of the Commencement Addresses. No way yours would have sucked that bad! Man, did those speeches suck! They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!!!
One last thing: how come youse guys didn't throw your funny hats in the air like they do in all the movies? Oh, and one more thing: next graduation, bring your phone.
p.s. does anyone know Sideshow Bob's prisoner number is? I will think you're cool if you do.