¡Hola!... ¿Que Es El Dealeo?

Well, it's Cinco de Mayo, and I'm ashamed to say I have no idea what significance that date has (Is it for when Mexico won its' independence from Luxembourg?). I suppose that just makes me an average American. Why is it that with every holiday or special event that originated in a country other White Bread America (St. Patrick's Day, Octoberfest, Cinco de Mayo, etc.), instead of taking the opportunity to learn about the culture from whence it came, we just drink profusely? I mean, come on, how many people celebrating in New Orleans on Mardi Gras are off to church for Ash Wednesday? Umm, approximately none. It's just an excuse to drink and a license to be a jackass. If we're going to, say, drink green beer on St. Patty's Day, we should also be obliged to do the other things that they do to celebrate over in Ireland, like, uh...drink...ok, Ireland's a bad example.

How about the ultimate non-holiday, New Year's Eve? What special significance is there to a day chosen seemingly at random to be the end of one solar cycle? None, but what the hell, let's drink up! Society in general seems to back up the idea that it's acceptable, even encouragable (word? yes? no?), to go nuts and get drunk at these times. But why the pretense? Why not just say, "I feel like getting wasted today," without dragging a medium size yellow star or a saint's good name into it?

Now, no teatotaler am I, back in the day I was known to hoist (more than) a few. But, I don't know, it seems kind of insensitive (and, alas, American) to sully the celebrations of other cultures with our insatiable thirst for partying. We're the role model the third-world is supposed to be looking up to...what kind of example are we setting?

And I've noticed, more than a few times, we've lashed out violently when things aren't going our way. We've racked up quite a tab lately, and we've had some money problems...and those enablers United Kingdom and Australia have been egging us on the whole way. It's nothing but trouble when we get together. And we're not above back-handing our bitch Canada if she dares voice an opinion different than ours. Europe tried an intervention a while back, but we just threw chairs around the room and hollered at them, insinuating that they just couldn't handle us because we were too real.

It will take a lot of courage, but I think it's time we swallow our pride, look the rest of the world square in the eye, and say, "Hello. My name is America, and I have a problem..."