It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Thursday, February 22, 2007

"Hey, The Sidewalk's Fer Regular Walkin', Not Fancy Walkin'!"

Allow me to get the following disclaimer: I am no lover of sidewalks. Given the opportunity, I always choose to leave the pavement and stroll upon the grass. And I'm not above sharing the road...even with biketards.

However, I can find no reason why joggers around here run out on the street rather than on the sidewalks. I could understand jogging on the grassy median between the sidewalk and the street in order to make things easier on the knees, but forsaking the sidewalk in order to play in traffic seems more like a pathetic cry for attention. Kid of like those kids that drive back and forth on your street, bass pumping, in the desperate hope that somebody will notice them.

That's why I really don't feel any regret when I run them over...Jerks!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

"Stupid Poetic Justice!"

Well, less than 48 hours after I mock the flu shot, guess what happens...I suppose that'll teach us not to visit friends with sick kids this time of year.

The flu raged through our single-bathroom household, which can be tricky, as well as disgusting. Fortunately, Lady Influenza was kind enough to spread out the peak of illness among our family members, so no one had to go outside to barf, which is always nice.

As far as the flu goes, this one wasn't too bad. I've had much worse. A couple of years ago, we had a flu go through our house that literally had me on the bathroom floor, clutching my stomach, praying for death for about 6-8 hours. That one su-ucked!

I do find that a good stint of sickness like the flu is often good for recharging my batteries. After I recover, it just feels so good to be able to do normal things again that some primal enthusiasm effervesces to the top; a sort of joie-de-no-more-puking.

How's that for a Valentine's Post?

Friday, February 09, 2007

"They're Controlling Our Minds With Flu Shots...I Knew It!" drives the economy. You know, I rememeber the days when the lubricant that ran the Capitalist Machine was the blood of the workers; now our lube of choice is panic sweat. That's right, I said it: Lube of Choice!

Now the big panic, er...economic opportunity, is influenza. Remeber the past few years, when there were shortages of flu vaccine? Well, this year they were plentiful, so of course no one wanted them. Until now. Now that news of three kids dying from flu-related illnesses in the past few days, there has been a MAD rush to have the children get their inoculation on.

The local news has been quick to recognize their responsibility to spread panic. TV ads are asking, "Is there a new supervirus attacking our children?" There are interviews of suburban housewives in tears after learning that their little babies can't get a shot today because the clinic was closing for the day.

Personally, I side with Flanders on the issue of flu shots. As far as I'm concerned, the only reason to get an inoculation is for the sweet, sweet lollipop.