It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Saturday, December 30, 2006

"He's History's Greatest Monster!"

No, I'm not refering to the late Saddam "Snugglebunnies" Huessin, but close.

You see, it occurred to me not long after I had absorbed hours and hours of coverage of Gerald Ford's death that good old Jimmy is likely next in line for the Grim Reaper. Just how will the sensationalistic news organizations handle the death of a *gasp* Democratic ex-President? Will Fox "News" saturate its airwaves with wall-to-wall coverage of what a great humanitarian he was? Will they at least concede that his heart was in the right place and he did the best he could with what he had to work with?

Or will we get 24 hour coverage on how he supposedly plagiarized maps in his book?

p.s.-the bit in the link about Carter is Reference #10.

p.p.s.-if you read further, you'll notice that even Saddam Hussein himself was guilty of plagiarism (reference #33)...small world.

Monday, December 25, 2006

"Aren't We Forgetting The True Meaning Of Christmas...You Know, The Birth Of Santa?"

In these divisive times, when giant news conglomorates try to boost their bottom line at the end of the year by cynically claiming that anyone who wishes you a "happy holiday" is working in concert with Osama and Satan, I think it's important that we remember the true reason for the season:

To get our kids to stop acting like little hellions for about a month by threatening them with the quantity and quality of presents they will receive depending on their behavior. Bribery, shame, extortion; these are the gifts that truly keep giving.

Oh, and the hanky-panky feels just a little bit naughtier this time of year, so that's nice...

Thursday, December 21, 2006

"That's Right, Do Your Dirty Sinful Business. Don't Stop The Music."

This is so immature. Shame on you for laughing!

Seriously though, it has been said that comedy is all about timing and delivery. These things are infinitely more important when it comes to fart jokes. Almost all of them are bad and tasteless and entirely unclever.

That said, this guy pulls it off.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

"Won't It Be Great To Cast Off The Shackles Of The Soul-Crushing Hellhole That Is Springfield Elementary?"

To paraphrase Bart Simpson: School work is for suckers! I'm into my last week this semester, and I can't wait until next week.

Beer party at my house on Monday! Good luck finding it!

Oh, and BYOB!

Some for me too, while you're at it, if you wouldn't mind...

Friday, December 01, 2006

"The Lesson Is: Our God Is Vengeful! O Spiteful One, Show Me Who To Smite And They Shall Be Smoten!"

Ja ever notice how many of Jesus's proponents have such a hard time following his example?

Well, this guy is Jewish (not unlike Jesus Himself!) but he seems to grasp the concept. Like he says in his speech, "I'm pretty sure when God said love thy neighbor, he didn't mean kill them."

If you've got about 45 minutes to waste on a public speech, give it a listen. Then, having done something constructive for the day, you can waste the rest of your day traipsing through the darker parts of the internets virtually guilt-free!