"Aren't We Forgetting The True Meaning Of Christmas...You Know, The Birth Of Santa?"

In these divisive times, when giant news conglomorates try to boost their bottom line at the end of the year by cynically claiming that anyone who wishes you a "happy holiday" is working in concert with Osama and Satan, I think it's important that we remember the true reason for the season:

To get our kids to stop acting like little hellions for about a month by threatening them with the quantity and quality of presents they will receive depending on their behavior. Bribery, shame, extortion; these are the gifts that truly keep giving.



Oh, and the hanky-panky feels just a little bit naughtier this time of year, so that's nice...