It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

"Ketchup...Catsup. Ketchup...Catsup. Whoo, I'm Way Over My Head Here."

Has anyone used those "Easy Squeeze" bottles of ketchup from Heinz? I propose they change the name to "Bottle Full 'O Lies".

Lie #1: "Easy Squeeze"...Easy squeeze my ass! (Ooo! Thank you sir, may I have another?) I have squeezed many substances out of many containers, and nothing, nothing has been as difficult as the damn Heinz so-called "Easy Squeeze" bottle. Christ, it would be effin' easier to squeeze frozen mud out of a syringe!

Lie #2: "No mess bottle"...It's kind of hard not to make a mess when, in order to get the damn ketchup out of the bottle, you have to whack it with a damn mallot.

Lie #3: "New cap prevents 'watery-stuff'"....Lies, lies I tell you!!!

Lie #4: "Durable plastic bottle"...Well, after putting myself through considerable strain, only to squirt "watery-stuff" all over my burger, the bottle slips out of my greasy mitts and hits the floor, where it splits open and ketchup splatters everywhere. It looked like a friggin' blood bath in my kitchen. Thanks so much, it too late to take back the vote I cast for Kerry?

Just kidding...I voted for Nader...


  • These are four of the reasons I don't buy ketchup! It just isn't worth the risk of watery-stuff and impossible bottles (squeezable or pour)!

    By Blogger Mary Ann, at Tue Mar 28, 10:48:00 PM 2006  

  • I haven't seen a case this open and shut since my lawsuit against the makers of "The Never-Ending Story"!

    By Blogger Otto Man, at Wed Mar 29, 04:57:00 AM 2006  

  • It's another case of over-engineering. The original ketchup bottle was perfect, you just had to know the secret of tapping the "57" seal on the neck to get the sauce to come out easily. But no, they had to "dumb it down" and now look at what we have?

    The squeezable bottles for grape jelly, however, are cool.

    By Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan, at Wed Mar 29, 07:30:00 AM 2006  

  • My relationship to Heinz ketchup is that of a battered woman. I love it even though, yes, the packaging does me wrong. But what matters is what's on the inside. The packaging can change.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Mar 29, 01:59:00 PM 2006  

  • You gotta shake it before you squeeze it to prevent the water. I still can't believe that the bottle broke. Perhaps you hit it too hard with the mallet.

    By Blogger Sylvana, at Wed Mar 29, 04:53:00 PM 2006  

  • mary ann- That's can get free ketchup at fast food restaurants.

    otto man- Miguel Sanchez couldn't have said it better.

    shamus- haven't tried the squeezeable jelly, and I'm a little gunshy now, so I might never try it. Doesn't KY have a squeezable jelly too?

    ag- they should do a Lifetime movie about that!

    sy- That's the thing...I did shake the damn thing! The stupid cap provides little gaps for the water to hide in is the problem. Besides, I thought the special cap was made specifically to prevent the watery stuff...if you still have to shake the bottle, then what the hell is the cap for?

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Wed Mar 29, 05:13:00 PM 2006  

  • And it has to be Heinz ketchup, there is no other ketchup as flavorful on the market. I just noticed, you're from Wisconsin too.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Mar 29, 11:10:00 PM 2006  

  • Doesn't KY have a squeezable jelly too?


    By Blogger cookie christine, at Thu Mar 30, 01:58:00 PM 2006  

  • I have had no problems with them what-so-ever, although indeed at times the ketchup tends to be a bit watery, but then I just shake the bottle and there ya go ...

    By Blogger Astrid, at Mon Apr 03, 03:54:00 AM 2006  

  • For some reason, ketchup dispensation is like politics and religion. Everybody has their own opinion on the matter, and they get really, REALLY angry when you disagree with them.

    My chosen method is to hold the bottle at an angle and shake it gently until the ketchup comes out. It works. Every time. But during the 4 or 5 seconds it takes, there's always someone at the table who gets all irate and starts trying to take the bottle away from me because I'm doing it wrong.

    By Blogger Irb, at Mon Apr 03, 01:16:00 PM 2006  

  • Mr. Nasty- On Wisconsin!

    cookie christine- Somehow, I knew you'd know.

    astrid- do you use ketchup on fries? Or mayonnaise? And I hear you're doing wonderful things with Leggos...

    irb- You just don't get between a man and his condiments.

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Mon Apr 03, 09:21:00 PM 2006  

  • [b] Relax and enjoy [/b]


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thu Feb 15, 05:52:00 AM 2007  

  • Tramadol, viagra


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Feb 19, 01:01:00 PM 2007  

  • Latest news. Viagra, cialis


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Feb 19, 10:37:00 PM 2007  

  • Good dispatch and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you for your information.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Jan 20, 01:44:00 AM 2010  

  • ranch movie singles ad horse [url=]singer dating personal[/url] free dating sites for muslims with no card required free dating east midlands

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thu Feb 25, 11:35:00 PM 2010  

  • fruits you can have on the atkins diet [url=]noroxin[/url] american girl tea room dallas american heart soda study
    infection after c section [url=]arimidex[/url] glendale pet dental [url=]mepps disqualifing medical conditions[/url]

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sat Apr 10, 12:53:00 AM 2010  

    [url=]mescaline drug history[/url] presentation on drug abuse [url=]erythromycin ethylsuccinate and sulfisoxazole acetyl[/url]
    matthew danielson pharmacy program university of minnesota
    [url=]most advertised drugs[/url] vic ciardelli attorney chicago drug money [url=]bee pollen and taking clomid for getting pregnant[/url]
    mexican pharmacy nolvadex
    [url=]drug test interference[/url] find a drug by imprint number [url=]clomiphene dtd[/url] drug candy look alike poster medicne [url=]crotamiton eurax[/url]

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Apr 14, 09:46:00 PM 2010  

    [url=]drugs public service announcements[/url] levitra substitutes [url=]apo lamotrigine[/url]
    prescription drug ultram effects of
    [url=]hazelden drug[/url] uma thurman on drugs [url=]levofloxacin achilles tendon[/url]
    orgasm with levitra
    [url=]best drugstore moisturizers[/url] statistics on drug testing [url=]recommended xanax[/url] lipitor drug page [url=]lamictal paranoia[/url]

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thu Apr 15, 09:39:00 PM 2010  

  • news in the fashion business ein klein nachtmusik [url=]chanel history[/url] japanese fashion valentino fashion group [url=]womens puma shoes[/url]

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Apr 30, 01:24:00 AM 2010  

  • drug testing at doe sites [url=]sustiva[/url] blood pressure right left arm
    street knowledge of drugs [url=]parlodel[/url] faqs on teenage smoking [url= ]new york travel medicine clinics and aetna or cigna [/url] triple breast
    what causes sudden type 1 diabetes [url=]ipnoterapia[/url] african penis size
    top prostate cancer centers us [url=]elavil[/url] symptoms of chronic kidney failure [url= ]can adverse drug react news [/url] home based medical biller jobs

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri May 28, 11:54:00 PM 2010  

  • will there be a economical depression [url=]tenormin[/url] breathing smoke from office fires and your health
    bbc health [url=]medrol[/url] birth defects smoking [url= ]ipv medical policy [/url] common life during the great depression
    topical penis enlarger [url=]birth control[/url] tripler army medical center list of doctors oahu
    aspirin and blood clots [url=]drugstore terms[/url] merxs pill [url= ]job stress [/url] breast reduction smoking wound healing

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sat May 29, 05:36:00 AM 2010  

  • wading shoes ricker shoes [url=]sophia lauren nude[/url] smarthome designer sample esume big man athletic shoes [url=]bartholomew shoes[/url]

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sat May 29, 07:27:00 AM 2010  

  • movie citation [url=]goofy gymnastics[/url] all new movie releases indiana pennsylvania movie theater
    sex is comedy movie clips free [url=]bring it on all or nothing[/url] movie patricia neal gary cooper stitch the movie aloha
    neshaminy mall movie theater [url=]lava storm[/url] russell crowe movie
    filipino sex video movie [url=]firewall[/url] sontillu kotha pellam telugu sex movie when does halloween the movie come out
    leo decaprio movie a loser at the box office [url=]betty boop and the little king[/url] movie switch statler and waldorf at the movie

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sun Jun 27, 02:29:00 PM 2010  

  • who can take clomid | where can i buy clomid in the uk - cost of clomid, clomid makes me tired

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Nov 14, 10:35:00 AM 2012  

  • metformin clomid success rate | [url=]how to buy clomid[/url] - clomid 25mg, anqn clomid twins percentage

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thu Nov 15, 05:03:00 AM 2012  

  • [url=]ремонт квартир орехово[/url] Реставрация и отделка помещений, квартир или дач – это насущная в настоящее время проблема многих людей, решившихся, наконец, отремонтировать свой дом. Мало того, что ремонт – это процесс трудоемкий и напряженный, еще и найти достойную фирму, занимающуюся отделкой комнат или домов сейчас почти нельзя. Дело в том, что все меньше и меньше в России осталось организаций, делающих свою работу хорошо, эффективно и недорого. [url=]виды отделочных работ[/url]
    Однако наша организация является приятным исключением из этого неприятного правила. Мы вот уже долгое время занимается ремонтом помещений, квартир, загородных домов и еще ни разу нам не поступало от наших клиентов ни неприятных отзывов, ни каких-либо жалоб. [url=]проекты ремонта квартир[/url] Большой опыт наших специалистов, а также высокий профессионализм всех без исключения наших сотрудников, поможет сделать хорошо, качественно и – главное - доступно как косметический, так и капитальный ремонт. [url=]планирование ремонта квартиры[/url] Современное оборудование, новые технологии планировки и дизайна, а также индивидуальный подход к каждому клиенту и гибкая система скидок сделали нашу компанию самой успешной на сегодня компанией, оказывающей услуги улучшению и отделке офисов, комнат или дач. [url=]дизайн квартир 40 м[/url]
    [url=]ремонт квартир[/url] [url=]ремонт квартиры[/url]

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thu Nov 22, 10:27:00 AM 2012  

  • twins clomid | buy clomid no prescription uk - buy clomid 100mg online, next step after clomid fails

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sat Nov 24, 08:37:00 AM 2012  

  • clomid fertility calendar | buying clomid line - clomid online without prescription, why do men take clomid

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sun Dec 09, 07:56:00 AM 2012  

  • nolvadex and clomid together | - can i buy clomid online, clomid and autism

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sun Dec 09, 04:16:00 PM 2012  

  • can clomid stop ovulation | [url=]buy clomid[/url] - clomid price, pwhr success rates of clomid

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Dec 10, 07:23:00 AM 2012  

  • dating websites for christians plus size transexual adult dating

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Jan 11, 06:46:00 AM 2013  

  • online payday loans blansizmisa [url=]payday loans online[/url] guirwer No Fax Payday Loans Online Payday Loans Online Direct Lenders There is a free version, but you will need to purchase the full version ($15) to see way to resolve challenges.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Jan 11, 12:13:00 PM 2013  

  • [url=][img][/img][/url]
    newest top dating chatrooms [url=]senior online dating website[/url] dating chat ree
    sydney blind dating [url=]online depression dating[/url] fair dating act
    baseball field of dating [url=]dating zip code 21202[/url] 100 percent vfree dating sites

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Feb 05, 10:18:00 AM 2013  

  • can you take clomid if you are ovulating | clomid for sale online - where to buy clomid, clomid 150mg twins

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Feb 12, 10:28:00 AM 2013  

  • clomid instructions | [url=]clomid buy online[/url] - where to buy clomid online safely, xelz chance of multiples with clomid

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Feb 12, 06:15:00 PM 2013  

  • blackberry task software best cpa review software made [url=]medical charts software[/url] synergy crm software
    [url=]Autodesk AutoCAD 2012 x64 - Software Store[/url] website design development online software

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Feb 22, 08:00:00 AM 2013  

  • adobe software writer membership site software [url=]best dual boot software manager[/url] accu-chek advantage software download
    [url=]3herosoft DVD Ripper 3.5 MacOSX - Cheap Legal OEM Software, Software Sale, Download OEM[/url] mercury load balancing software

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Feb 25, 03:01:00 AM 2013  

  • accounting computer software yellowpages directory software [url=]add a url clerk software[/url] work scheduler software
    [url=]SSW Exchange Reporter 10.1 x64 - Software Store[/url] mentor pads software

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Mar 05, 10:00:00 AM 2013  

  • I don't have to make a new hit record, I don't have to be successful with this
    and that. Lauren: What's it like to live with the titles 'the King' or 'Prince of trance'. Reznor has been commercially successful without compromising his art and is widely considered an electronic musical genius in his own right.

    My weblog - jean michel jarre discography Free download

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri May 17, 08:02:00 AM 2013  

  • adult dating link reviews quincy steele single dating
    haitian dating sites [url=]is simon cowell dating paula abdual[/url] single dads dating website
    underwriters laboratories dating [url=]downfalls of dating a married woman[/url] intimate questions online dating [url=]llaaa[/url] dating sights

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed May 29, 01:46:00 AM 2013  

  • Great goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff
    previous to and you're just extremely fantastic. I actually like what you've acquired here, certainly like what you're saying and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it wise. I can not wait to read much more from you. This is actually a terrific web site.

    Feel free to visit my webpage :: Microsoft Office Gratuit

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Jun 03, 08:38:00 AM 2013  

Post a Comment

<< Home