It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

"If I Could Just Say A Few Words...I'd Be A Better Public Speaker."

Oh Blogger! My Blogger! You've opened up vast new horizons of procrastination to me. Right now I should be working on my presentation. But I've decided to do my presentation on I'm doing research right now?

I've heard that most people, when listing their fears, place public speaking above death. I might be hard pressed to choose between the two. Toastmasters suggests harnessing your nervous energy and transforming it into vitality and enthusiasm. I will try to instigate such mental judo, but if that doesn't work, I'll just pretend I'm speaking to only one person. Who happens to be my best friend. And is naked. And I'll make sure to have my trusty harikari sword. Because I like to go into something like this prepared.


  • I'll share my secret with you that I learned while in grad school- I did an internship with ex-cons. I was a group counselor and I had to engage them in group therapy. Here it is:

    Most people don't care about what you have to say. This is good because they aren't scrutinizing you the way you think they are. They're thinking about dinner. Or TV. It's more of an issue of keeping their interest. :)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Mar 08, 02:53:00 PM 2006  

  • If you want a great example of public speaking, watch the late, great Don Knotts in the Ghost and Mr. Chicken......"Atta Boy Luther!"

    By Blogger DrMax, at Wed Mar 08, 04:05:00 PM 2006  

  • ag- thanks for the help.

    drmax- I'm hoping for Mr. Knotts guidance from the grave.

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Wed Mar 08, 04:37:00 PM 2006  

  • I always pretend that I am talking to a big group of my friends. Or I pretend that all those people are huge fans of mine and are just dying to hear what I have to say.

    By Blogger Sylvana, at Wed Mar 08, 09:42:00 PM 2006  

  • I'm fine addressing groups as long as I know what I'm going to say and I'm not on a stage. Something about a stage...I think pretending you're talking to your best friend naked is a good idea...unless there's something sexual involved....

    By Blogger Shannon, at Thu Mar 09, 12:22:00 AM 2006  

  • I just get the shakes really badly and sweat profusely and think about getting drunk afterwards. That helps me.

    By Blogger Elizabeth, at Thu Mar 09, 05:05:00 AM 2006  

  • sy- I should've done a presentation on a conspiracy theory, and pretend I had to get the truth out before the government disappears me.

    shannon- No stage. I can even sit down if I wanna, so I'm sure things should go ok.

    elizabeth- I like the way you think!

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Thu Mar 09, 08:00:00 AM 2006  

  • Remember -- if all else fails, just fake your own death.

    Trust me.

    By Blogger Otto Man, at Thu Mar 09, 12:00:00 PM 2006  

  • Oh yeah! The pretending that what you have to say could save a life is another great way to boost your speaking confidence.

    I like to pretend in general. Make slife much more interesting!

    By Blogger Sylvana, at Thu Mar 09, 05:20:00 PM 2006  

  • now what if your wife is your best friend, and in thinking of her naked, you get a stiffy?

    Good thing no one's really going to pay attention, right?

    By Blogger cookie christine, at Fri Mar 10, 12:02:00 PM 2006  

  • I used to try and imagine the whole audience in their underwear, but that led to some unfortunate side-effects that forced me to remain squarely behind the podium, if you know what I mean...

    By Blogger Irb, at Fri Mar 10, 02:04:00 PM 2006  

  • Thank God for podiums!

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Fri Mar 10, 02:13:00 PM 2006  

  • Most people think that podiums are there to hold your papers, but they are really there to hide stiffies -- or to hide you wetting yourself.

    By Blogger Sylvana, at Sat Mar 11, 02:00:00 PM 2006  

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