It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Friday, January 06, 2006

"Jesus Must Be Spinning In His Grave!"

Why, oh god in heaven, why does anyone listen to anything Pat Robertson has to say? He blamed 9/11 on homosexuals and single mothers, called for the assassination of a foreign head of state (though in his defense, he later claimed he merely wanted him kidnapped and roughed up), and now says God gave Sharon a massive stroke because he gave disputed land to Palestinians. And we all know that Israel has to be kept together so that it can be wiped off the face of the earth when Jesus comes back. The Israelis must feel comforted to know that they have someone so concerned about them.

I really don't understand why someone who solicits little old ladies to sign over their Social Security checks over to him in return for a ticket to Heaven, who exploited the mineral resources of struggling African countries under the guise of "humanitarian relief" (thereby stoking the fires of civil war in those countries), who blamed Hurricane Katrina on Ellen Degeneres and who thinks that teletubbies are turning all our children gay is being given any credence, or even attention for that matter. I would have to believe that Britney Spears, and possibly even Bush would have more intelligent things to say on the subject of world events.

Pat and I go way back, of course (I'm still getting propoganda from the bastard). A few Christmases ago, our boy brought info for something called "Operation Blessing" home from school. The pamphlet requested that we fill a shoebox full of small toys, school supplies and hygene products such as toothbrushes and combs, and then give it to "Operation Blessing", who would then pass it on to African families in need. We had the shoebox all filled with beanie babies, pop rocks and floss, all ready to go, when we decided to do some research on "Operation Blessing". I can't remember specifically why, but the pamphlet seemed suspiciously vauge when it came to the details. Sure enough, we looked it up and after some googling and digging, we found out old Pat ran the thing. The shoebox is still in our closet...I'll be damned if Pat Robertson puts my pop rocks in his pie-hole...hmm, that sounded weird, but you get what I mean.

ps- please visit my snowman blog. Thanks!


  • God, that man is crazy!

    By Blogger Heather, at Fri Jan 06, 09:28:00 PM 2006  

  • I am sorry, while I totally agree with your rant about fuckwit Robertson...

    I can'

    god I' going to hell.

    How some poor unfortunate african tribal type kid would react to pop rocks. I'm imagining some kind of "the gods must be crazy" scenario here. I mean...SERIOUSLY!!! POP ROCKS??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!


    By Blogger evilsciencechick, at Fri Jan 06, 10:41:00 PM 2006  

  • ESC- isn't that funny? We have a sort of twisted sense of humor...

    heather- I'd like to think that he was crazy, but now I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that he's evil, and probably the anti-christ.

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Sat Jan 07, 01:27:00 AM 2006  

  • You can only hope there's a special place in hell for people like him, who prey on the dim-witted and desperate.

    But as Pat knows, there is no hell, so he's no worried!

    By Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan, at Sat Jan 07, 09:44:00 AM 2006  

  • Pop rocks and dental floss... that was so funny. We really need to find some legitimate organization to deliver these things for us.

    By Blogger Sylvana, at Sat Jan 07, 12:16:00 PM 2006  

  • I can't believe the school is asking the kids to donate to some freaky "Christian" charity! How sick and frightening. What, like Save the Children and Care International and the Red Cross just got too secular for them?

    By Blogger Elizabeth, at Mon Jan 09, 07:56:00 AM 2006  

  • Thanks to Pat Robertson, I fully understand God's wrath now:


    The next time I tour a hospital hallway, I will feel justified yelling "SINNER! DIRTY SINNER!!" to all the stroke victims I encounter. (You understand I've always done this, I now feel justified)

    And should we assume that since Mr. Robertson has not had a stroke that he is without sin? Somehow, I think he would have us believe this.

    Just when I think Pat Robertson is the craziest mother-effer he can possibly be, he somehow manages to one-up himself!

    By Blogger Courtney, at Mon Jan 09, 09:20:00 AM 2006  

  • Courtney- that was you?!? In my stroke-addled state, I wasn't sure that had actually happened...

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Mon Jan 09, 10:10:00 AM 2006  

  • elizabeth- I know!! Now they have this "motivational speaker" with Christian connections that goes to all the schools. He talks about religious themes but in a Newspeak kind of way, with no direct mention of heaven or God. He also does magic, which I thought was a No-No in the Church.

    He's a big goofy looking palooka, and I was a little disturbed that on his promotional posters, he has the exact same shoes as me.

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Mon Jan 09, 02:32:00 PM 2006  

  • Had to do a double take. I thought your post title was "JESUS MUST BE SPINNING IN HIS GRAVEL". Well, that too I guess, eh?

    Oh, and um...supposedly Jesus doesn't have a gravel. Um, grave.

    By Blogger Neil Shakespeare, at Mon Jan 09, 11:56:00 PM 2006  

  • That snowman blog is sweet, Bob!

    By Blogger ORF, at Tue Jan 10, 11:10:00 AM 2006  

  • Sorry for being a hobocommentor, lately. But I am reading your blog, now that I have a moment.

    I can't believe they give that idiot any airtime. Why is he even on the news?

    By Blogger Shannon, at Wed Jan 11, 08:43:00 AM 2006  

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