It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Sunday, April 10, 2005

"Why Can't People See How We Live...Are We So Vain?!?"

When I was a kid, and I had to help clean up the house because company was coming over, my thoughts were generally best expressed by the quote above. I mean, if the people coming over were really our friends, would they be so superficial as to judge us based upon how clean our house is? Aren't we really just the unwitting pawns in the epic corporate battle between Clorox and Borax? Can't we break these chains of bondage and live truly free, if somewhat messy? My arguements fell upon the deaf ears of my father, who, obviously, is totally under the thumb of Mr. Clean.

I bring up my distain for tidying up the house because the parents are coming to visit on tomorrow. That means spring cleaning, or, more accurately, take all the mess that's been laying around the house over the winter and make a mess of it somewhere much more discreet. I suppose it's not that big a deal, the weather's kind of crappy today.

We've noticed an odd phenomenon in our house. Every time we get a new cabinet or put up new shelves or even just put a large garbage can at the end of our dining room table and, with one big arm sweep, clear the several weeks worth of junk mail, soda cans, and who knows what else into it, the newly opened available space is quickly taken up again by new junk (read it again, it's a legitimate, grammatically correct sentence). Sisyphus, I feel your pain! It's like there's gremlins that will bring things out of the woodwork to scatter across our house at the first sign of any progress in cleaning (I like to blame things on gremlins. They make messes, give me bad advice, never throw away the garbage I leave lying around, and only I can see them).

My hot wife and I have discussed many times how we've too much junk and need to be more cavalier about tossing useless items in the dustbin or giving them away to someone who will actually use them, and it's a fantastic theory. Inevitably, however, after we toss out the single mitten that hasn't seen it's mate in years, those damn gremlins plant it in a dresser drawer or between the couch cushions the next day. It's maddening, and I've just come up with a new legitimatization from being such a packrat...it's not that I'm not willing to part with so much useless junk, it's just that I'm not going to give those gremlins the satisfaction. I knew I shouldn't have let them eat after midnight...

14 Comments:

  • I am a somewhat I reformed packrat. I accidently watched reality tv on TLC one day and saw this show Clean Sweep , where a cast and crew remake a packrat's space and force them to get rid of all their junk. Afterwards, I began asking myself similar questions that the organizer asked...if this means something to you, why is it under you bed? Did you actually ever read this book? Do you have plans to fix this? What color are your gremlins?, etc etc...Now, I'm winning the Gremlin battle, but have yet to win the war.

    By Blogger Shannon, at Sun Apr 10, 12:14:00 PM 2005  

  • I have seen this show before, and it gives you the same sort of feeling as watching someone overcome a handicap, like those one-handed baseball players. I got a list from that show of the questions you're supposed to ask about all your possessions, as you hold them up one by one like Hamlet contemplating Yorick's skull:
    *do I love it?
    *do I need it?
    *can I live without it?
    *do I have more than one of these, and if so, do I need more than one?
    *is it damaged, and if so, am I really going to fix it?
    *if I saw this is a store, would I buy it?
    *if I toss it, what's the worst case scenario? Can I live with that?
    *do I ever use it, and if so, when and how often?

    I suppose if I were ever to get a tattoo, it should probably be of this list.

    And my gremlins are green, but they don't look so much like gremlins as they resemble Ozmodio (that floating little guy that followed Fred Flintstone around).

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Sun Apr 10, 12:54:00 PM 2005  

  • SS Bob:
    You're a total stitch! Thx for cruising by my site; I'll be sure to check yours out regularly as well for a dose of the Homer hahas*.

    I feel your Mac-addled pain in re: Blogger. As I'm certain you've already realized, Blogger can be a real bitch of a woman. Constantly locking her users out of the site all the time. It blows, so the whole Mac/PC user thing just adds insult to her injury. Paper cut and lemon juice.

    Also, I must beg to differ that The Simpsons is the only meaningful thing Fox has going for it. I'm pretty latent in my awareness of good television (I didn't start watching the Simpsons until about four years ago) so I know I'm a little behind in this, but it could be argued that Arrested Development is a live-action cousin to The Simpsons and all its inane, hysterical glory. I mean, c'mon: Loose Seal!!! You should check it out.

    See you 'round the blogosphere.
    _________________________________

    *That whole paragraph sounds totally cheesy. I feel like I practically invited you to join me for an afternoon of Magic The Gathering. Christ!

    By Blogger ORF, at Mon Apr 11, 11:03:00 AM 2005  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Tue Apr 12, 02:05:00 AM 2005  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger sideshow bob, at Tue Apr 12, 02:08:00 AM 2005  

  • Arrested Development IS really good. Who knew that Opie could be that funny?

    By Blogger Sylvana, at Tue Apr 12, 02:12:00 AM 2005  

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