It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Sunday, May 20, 2007

"It's Hotter Than A Faux News Weather Skank!!!"

Hey, even in times as exciting and tumultuous as these, it's hard to run a 24 hour news network and not run out of actual news. So what's a producer to do? How about having the next newscaster try-outs down at Hooters?

I especially like the way Samantha groups the news network in porn demographic terms...funny, because I'm sure it is, at least a little bit, true.

ps- the video link apparently "expires" in mid-June, so here is a permanent link to the video.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

"Yeah, Well You'd Be Grumpy Too If You Were Taken Out Of Your Natural Habitat And Gawked At By A Bunch Of Slack-Jawed Yokels."

Wal-Mart....Larry the Cable Guy...the mere mention of these words will lower your IQ several points. As a former blue-collar worker, I am insulted at the suggestion that this chain store that reeks of squalor and broken dreams is supposed to always be looking out for me; or that this tired shtick is supposed to speak to my experience and worldview. And I swear to god I hope that when Larry arrives in Hell, he gets a kick squa' in the nuts for each and every "git 'er dun!" ever uttered by his slope-browed minions.

I normally would avoid any mention of L to the CG, but last Friday I was repeatedly assaulted by his visage; first on TV for his brain-dead, lame-ass movie (which I'm hoping I won't hear of after it gets dropped from any theatre stupid enough to engage it for the opening weekend), and again when I drove past the WalMart on the way home.

Imagine my shock when I saw three SUVs in a row pulling into the parking lot, all with "Git 'r Dun!" bumper sticker and/or window decals on them. Yes, sadly, the and/or in the previous sentence was necessary, as one SUV had both motifs of quintessential redneckery proudly on display. Just once I'd like to see this pulling into a WalMart parking lot:

Or maybe this:

Of course, I'd rather avoid the place all together...

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Monday, May 07, 2007

"Do I Smell Vodka...And Wheatgrass?" "I Call It A 'Lawnmower'!"

I must say I'm very happy to reach all of you from the other side of Cinco de Mayo. Sy and I had a wonderful time celebrating the defeat of the French at the hands of the if that's really worth celebrating! I personally find the driving of snakes off of an island nation much more impressive. I asked Sy if there was anyone who hadn't beaten the French, and she said, "Well, this is just the Mexicans turn to celebrate. Every one should have a turn."

Sy, JD and I also got to see Mike Doughty (nee Soul Coughing) perform this weekend! My view was obstructed for most of the show...I wish I got to see him as well as you can in this picture!

When we got home after the show, we were pleasantly surprised to discover that we already had lime juice, margarita mix and tequila in our house, so we didn't have to make a special trip to the liquor store. Unfortunately, we ran out of tequila before we ran out of margarita I just substituted rum instead. I was even naive enough to think that I'd invented a new drink, the "Rumarita"! A quick check over on Sotally Tober revealed that my drink had already been invented...right down to the very name. Shazbat!

Maybe someday I'll realize the dream and invent a drink of my very own. I think that Sy invented one in college that I call '666 Couch Syrup' (it's Mountain Dew and Sloe Gin...and it'll cure what ails ya'!). Oh crap...looks like that name is taken as well. Has anyone out there invented a drink they'd like to share with us?

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