It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

"Kryptonite? What's That? The -ite Suffix Suggests A Mineral."

Finally...we can knock that uppity Man of Steel down a peg or two!

Apparently, kryptonite was discovered in a mine in Serbia, which would explain the lack of Superman sightings in the former Yugoslavia. Which is just as well...I mean, how strong do you really need to be to lift a Yugo off of a citizen in distress?

The newly discovered mineral's "scientific" (read: boring) name is sodium lithium boron silicate hydroxide, and it's white rather than green. Any possible degenerative properties against beings from the planet Krytpton are unexplored as of this date.

Quite simply, the is the biggest scientific find since the unearthing of the Shroud of Dr. Who. Nerds of the world, rejoice!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

"That's How Jackie Got Her 'O'!"

Fox News is funny, but not "ha, ha" funny.

The Onion Radio News is no Fox News.


Sunday, April 08, 2007

"Silly Customer, You Cannot Hurt A Twinkie!"

It's true, you know. Twinkies are specifically designed to never go bad. According to the man who wrote the book on Twinkies, Interstate Brands Corporation, the company responsible for giving us these goo-crammed delights, brings in ingredients from all corners of the globe to construct the mighty Twinkie.

With ingredients such as food-grade plaster of Paris, and various sundry goos and gunks, Twinkies truly are a miracle, space-age food, almost Tang-like in stature and prominence.

And talk about versatile...fuhget aboudit! I heard that if you age them 20 years, the creme filling turns to liquor!