"Huh...What? Our Anniversary? Are You Sure?"

Happy Anniversary, America! Eleven years ago, on 9/27/94 (ok, so I'm a little late...), a bold and brash freedom lovin' buncha so-and-so's made a pledge, nay, a promise; one they felt so strongly about they just had to put it into contractual form, confirming the widely held belief that, in general, politicians are pretty much functionally retarded.

Oh, America, they so wanted into our pants, and they had all the right lines: they were going to restore dignity and accountability to our government, and reduce the size of government, they were going to restore our trust in government...can anyone blame us for being swept off our feet?

Now, here we are, stuck with their demon spawn of a struggling economy, seemingly insurmountable budget deficits and crumbling infrastructure, and they have the nerve to say that they aren't sure they're responsible for it or if it's from that other guy we used to fool around with.

Typical. Ladies, you know what I'm talkin' 'bout.

For more insight, we can look to Lionel Hutz, attorney at law, who in one Simpsons episode, defined a contract as such: "an agreement under the law which is unbreakable...which is unbreakable (emphasis his)!" Now check out the first thing they planned to do on the first day of the 104th Congress of the contract in question. Seriously, did these guys not bother to read their own contract?

But don't worry guys, America, by now, is a living demonstration of Battered Wife Syndrome, and we'll forgive and forget, and we'll believe it when you say, "We've changed...honest! Trust us." I mean, really, we did bring it on ourselves.