"You know me, Marge...I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and homosexuals fah-laming!"

So much of the past few weeks have been devoted to Marge's sisters....the gruesome twosome (how is twosome spelled, anyway?). Patty wanted a gay marriage and Selma, a usually single hetero, wanted to adopt a child. In so many ways, this twosome is outside the mainstream idea of "family values". But "family values" is a retarded concept; let me explain.

So much of the progress in the world has been accomplished through behavior that would go against the current concept of family values. Breaking the law is certainly not a family value, but it is hard to believe the world would be a better place without the likes of Ghandi, or his protege, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a man with more periods in his name than perhaps anyone, and their lessons of civil disobedience
Socrates went against the 'family values' of his day, but is now pretty much universally regarded as a brilliant man, teaching that the unexamined life (which so many people are right now in the middle of) is not one worth living.
That woman whose name I can't remember who lead the women's suffrage movement in America...hold on...it'll come to me...damnit, she's on a coin or something...oh well, I just chalk this up to an indictment of our lackluster educational system. I'll probably remember it tonight as I'm drifting off to sleep... Ok, I cheated and went on google...Susan B. Anthony.
Ben Franklin, Founding Father, sage, inventor, Postmaster, and....oh, yeah...hella-fornicater. I could go on, but I grow bored...

As for the proponants of "family values", allow me to drop one morsel of wisdom on you...nothing you can do, nothing you can say, no law you can write, no amount of self-righteous nagging will change anyone...ever. Not in any fundamental way. That change has to be the result of a metamorphosis inside the one who is changed. Your only real shot is to lead by example. If you want people to have good family values, don't be a dick to your family or act like a dick in front of them. You born-agains are the real raspberry seed stuck in my molars. You seem to think that by being born again you no longer have to work on yourself so you focus to an insane amount on what you THINK is wrong with other people. You don't get "do-overs" in the real world. So maybe you messed things up in your past, just get over it and try to be a decent person (fyi, decent people don't hurl insults at others, or put up barriers to others leading a happy life just because they don't agree with their viewpoint).

Back to the Simpsons (because it all comes back to the Simpsons). So Patty's gay, so what? So everybody has to come to the defense of Marriage. First of all, one longstanding 'reason' for hating gays is because they were said to be too promiscuous, that they all just ran around screwing each other and couldn't have lasting relationships. Now here they are, trying to show that they can, but now people won't let them. And if we are so concerned about 'defending marriage', why are Britney Spears and Liz Taylor still free? Why is the Anglican Church so worked up about 'defending marriage' when its' only reason for existing was to allow for a divorce?

As for Selma being a single mother...well, who could really support that? But the fact is, a huge percentage of kids are raised by only one parent, including myself, and most of us turn out just as screwed up as the rest of you.

So I guess what I'm saying is this: it is NOT your job to protect everyone from themselves. Keep your eyes on the prize; yourself and those close to you. If you're against abortion, fine, don't have one. Counsel and advise any friends or family thinking of getting an abortion not to, show them another alternative (in England is it an 'abourtion'?) Think alcohol is evil? Then make sure your kids don't get a hold of any, make sure they don't hang out w/ kids who drink. Think a TV show is offensive? Then turn the goddamn channel, you f%#*%@@! moron! The rest of us find it hilarious. The only offensive thing is your total lack of humor and sense of perspective.

Which brings us to another Simpsons Quote: "I guess you can't use the law to nag...which is a shame because I really hate that cartoon." (ok, that's actually two Marge quotes morphed into one, but it's not like anyone is reading this blog anyway. My morphed quote supports my arguement better too, and isn't that, in the end, the real truth? The answer, of course, is no.)