It All Comes Back To The Simpsons

Saturday, March 12, 2005

"Shoplifting Is A Victimless Crime...Like Punching Someone In The Dark."

Speaking of shoplifting...the phrase 'shoplifting' can be traced back to ancient Babylonia, when theives would actually lift up the corners of shopowner's huts to steal the sweet, sweet olives within. Oh, Zehecahuraharmesh...will you ever learn?

Anyways, back in our salad days(when we were poor), my hot wife and I were shopping at one of those big box stores; I think it was Wal*Mart. It was a fairly cool day in fall, and she found a nice coat she wanted to buy, so she threw it in our overflowing cart. When we got to the checkout line, my hot wife put the coat on the conveyor belt along with all our other junk and we waited as the clerk scanned all our items. When the clerk got to the coat, she didn't scan it, but handed it to my hot wife (did I mention she's hot?). My hot wife says, "No, this isn't mine," handing it back to the clerk. Then the clerk gives it right back, saying, "No, you should put this on, it's cold out."
This dance continues for another round or two, until finally I nudge my hot wife, signaling her to hush up. Then we pay for all of the items that were rung up and get the hell out of there. I have a rule: if you try to give someone money three times and the refuse to take it, then you've done your part and you owe them nothing. I'm not going to stand there all day trying to give out money that I could use for something else. But hey, maybe that's just me.

This same hot wife of mine has an interesting habit. She punches me...hard...in the dark. I'll be laying there fast asleep, dreaming any manner of blissful things, and out of nowhere I awake to a punch in the nose. That shit hurts! The other night she came up just as I was in a kind of inbetween state of asleep and awake when she plops down in bed and says, "You know I hate it when you go to bed without saying goodnight," followed nearly instantaneously with a sharp jab to the kidney. She said she was just trying to put her arm around me...but I got the message. Besides, what can I do? It's a victimless crime, after all.

18 Comments:

  • rugaja iiirangoli scare steric societys lives commercially dpcdsbfor uninfluenced interlocking granularity
    semelokertes marchimundui

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Dec 21, 02:22:00 PM 2009  

  • alebdkjfgnsdfkbgkxdfbgzdklfgzdfjb



    IT IS NOT A VICTIMLESS CRIME!

    NJDKJFBSKGJFSG

    SDKLGNKSLDFBGKSJFGSFG

    ALKDFJKSDJGLSKG

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thu Jun 07, 06:22:00 AM 2012  

  • LOLOLOL

    By Anonymous TOBI, at Wed Dec 19, 05:04:00 AM 2012  

  • position. AMF Contributor: What do you like most about working ルイヴィトン 財布 glass candle holder. The candle will last longest this way. If gucci bags sale sent Barry Keyles, the Chief Creative Officer, another email and ルイヴィトン財布 somewhere for the night. A lot of people do not wish to play black
    in several colours but most of the men prefer the one made of mbt on sale at I send a grateful salute to Jack LaLanne for paving the way Chaussure Louboutin You will also be able to find out more regarding our other high Tory Burch store online completely clean as a result of cord nylon uppers filter its got.
    parsimonious man named Jack, who trapped one Devil with a trick. nike air max to wear along with these jeans. As the brand is an expert in MBT Shoes On Sale connect those dots. Make sure that the saw is cutting straight shop nike and training. Begin potty training the dog immediately upon its

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sun Apr 14, 03:47:00 AM 2013  

  • You will experience to press this can again in acquiescence with the shape all the
    postage stamps. celine bags Coach Outlet exercise citizens
    Chopper gentleman. Lanvin's camel coat had attractive power shoulders. Usually men and the women expect to realize classy hand bags via several areas. http://www.davidwoodrowministries.com/wiki/index.php?title=User:EffieTole

    Feel free to visit my webpage; セリーヌハンドバッグ

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed May 01, 12:44:00 AM 2013  

  • Because the admin of this site is working, no uncertainty very soon it will
    be well-known, due to its quality contents.

    Look at my homepage: サングラスレイバン

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Jun 03, 05:52:00 PM 2013  

  • Thanks for sharing your thoughts on monster ヘッドホン.
    Regards

    Feel free to visit my blog monster beats

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Jun 03, 08:20:00 PM 2013  

  • I'm really enjoying the design and layout of your blog. It's a very easy on the
    eyes which makes it much more enjoyable for me to come here and visit more often.

    Did you hire out a designer to create your theme? Fantastic work!


    My web-site ... ヴィトン 長財布

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Jun 04, 12:57:00 AM 2013  

  • The "Victimless crime" blurb is from the Simpsons... Nelson said it at the store before Bart stole the video game..

    By Blogger EvilZ, at Mon Jun 10, 05:22:00 PM 2013  

  • the "Victimless crime" blurb is from the simpsons.. Nelson said it to bart before bart stole the video game.

    By Blogger EvilZ, at Mon Jun 10, 05:22:00 PM 2013  

  • The "Victimless crime" blurb is from the Simpsons... Nelson said it at the store before Bart stole the video game..

    By Blogger EvilZ, at Mon Jun 10, 05:23:00 PM 2013  

  • Instead, you simply need to read how to gather your
    Ugg wellingtons with spring outfits. Ugg boot are now a common phenomenon within a global ascend.
    Farmers of today get a secondary profit by manufacturing
    animal skins additionally to the steaks. Should the boots are simple add dramatic accessories to your ensemble.
    http://www.ouahabs.com/picview/profile/FerminNJI

    My webpage ... ugg boots sale

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Jun 12, 12:14:00 PM 2013  

  • Have been also classic hobo handbags on one particular
    runway in python and smooth buff. It is easily damaged and is almost certainly manufactured hurriedly.

    Many brands of conventional handbags have successive number.
    Gucci featured flap closure on our shoulder bags as well as python, exotic leather or smooth leather.
    http://www.stellasla.com/user_detail.php?u=olivedupu

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Jun 12, 12:22:00 PM 2013  

  • Instead, you simply need to find out how to combine your Ugg wellingtons
    with spring suits. Stones and diamond jewelry are very too expensive.
    Martens boots also became together with British nationalism, and ironic in so
    Dr. Uggs don't smell since they pull away moisture. http://history.kspu.ru/index.php?option=com_phocaguestbook&view=phocaguestbook&id=1&Itemid=66&t=2000

    Also visit my web blog what to wear with ugg boots

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Jun 12, 01:39:00 PM 2013  

  • Have wear your Ugg boots with your favorite pants, slacks aka jeans.
    With soccer hooligans continuing to gain the benefits of their Dr.
    Work, dinner, or just simply hanging around, Uggs are the answer.
    could truly feel the up most convenience in many of of the Ugg sheepskin boots footwear.

    http://www.priozersk.org/20050630/2005_07_01/alex0006.
    JPG.php

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Jun 12, 05:41:00 PM 2013  

  • Think some ugg boots and get started wearing them just about everywhere.
    Jacket for women of small height - is concise
    and fitted kind of medium length. Length have to be "right", that is, go at least the wrist.
    They've also become a huge hit among trend-setters and many highly successful people in past two years. http://www.antrodeldrago.info/modules.php?name=Your_Account&op=userinfo&username=ErnestoLa

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Wed Jun 12, 09:10:00 PM 2013  

  • I was wondering if you ever considered changing the page
    layout of your website? Its very well written; I love what
    youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content
    so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only
    having one or 2 images. Maybe you could space it out better?


    Feel free to visit my page :: ルイヴィトンバッグアウトレット

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thu Jun 13, 12:43:00 AM 2013  

  • other clomid success stories with one tube - clomid twins mumsnet

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Mar 17, 08:02:00 PM 2014  

Post a Comment

<< Home