"I'm Sick Of Being A Wannabe League Bowler! I Wanna Be A League Bowler!"

We've finally made it to the pinnacle of middle-aged American life, baby...Sy and I are joining a bowling league!

I actually have been in an league once before, in college. In fact, I got me a plaque for men's high game score (210!) The women's high game score that year was 211...happily, my plaque honors my bowling prowess without mentioning I was beat by a girl.

Sy and I just bought a bowling ball about a month ago, and we have yet to break it in. She's a beaut; a lovely little blue and white swirled 8 pounder, which fits right into my bowling strategery: Get the lightest ball and chuck it HARD at the center pin. Even if I'm off target and only hit the 7 or 10 pin, the force of the ball sends the pin flying and caroming off the walls and into a couple other pins.



Of course, in league bowling, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get. And it's always an honor just to be in the presence of these great athletes, these Adonises in polyester and used shoes, these legends of the storied lanes of times past, with their likeness crudely etched into the Ball-O-Shine-O, with more talent than hair, and more corpulence than talent.

See you on the lanes, suckas!!!